Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
