id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
