my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
