He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
