I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
