Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
