I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
