we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I have aggressive nipples.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize