They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
He passed out mid-signature
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
