she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
