Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You took a bar mat shot.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Randomize
