How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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