your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
