I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
