So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize