He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
