why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
