i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
