I skipped work to stalk him.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
