are you still at the devil's house?
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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