she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No...this little piggys going to the bar
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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