You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
