I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
