When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
