I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize