My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
