I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
