it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
