if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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