If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
