strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
