he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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