Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
