i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
