Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
