just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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