I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
did you just send me my own nude
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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