Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
