I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Randomize
