wrigley field is MILF paradise
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
