we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
