so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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