I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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