I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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