just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
