Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
she pinky promised me she was 18
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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