How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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