So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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