Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
