I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
