I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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