Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
