Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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