you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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