Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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