At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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