Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
