I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
