Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
